Discipline is not the same as punishment; it is about teaching your child what is expected of him both within the family circle and the society at large. It should be done with love and respect for your toddler. Discipline takes many forms; from your sharp 'NO' to the big hug you give when he has done something that makes you proud. These are ways you guide your child's behavior. Wide consensus on this topic point out that the goals of discipline are to help a child learn to cooperate, to follow rules of conduct and over time to become self-disciplined so that control from others isn't necessary. Parents should consider discipline in both the immediate and the long term. Long term refers to the overall approach throughout the preschool years. Another point to remember is that discipline is more a matter of philosophy and it is not a simple, straight cut matter. There are many conflicting opinions on it. Every child is unique so an approach may work on your friend's child but not on your child; what works for one child in your family may not work with the other sibling. Don't expect too much obedience; learning will be gradual as your toddler has a very short memory span and doesn't recall lessons unless repeated over time.


The positive approach:


Discipline requires a positive approach using lots of praise and encouragement and setting a good example through adult behavior. Hitting a child conveys that it is ok to smack. Spanking or hitting is also less effective in gaining your child's cooperation than letting her know how much her behavior displeased you. Spanking most likely has little long-term, negative effects if used sparingly. If you want good behavior it is important to praise her when she does something right; noticing good behavior and commenting specifically about it is important. Your toddler wants to please you and pleasing you makes her feel good. Praising her efforts shows your respect of her efforts which will also develop her self esteem.


Effective intervention:


Distracting your toddler when he is not cooperating is quite effective; for example when he refuses to put on his shoes, distract him with a toy and then put on the shoe on him while he is playing. At the same token you should ignore some unwanted behavior especially when it becomes attention seeking. Your intervention is necessary when the situation merits it. For example when your toddler intentionally throws a toy car which may hit another child, intervene and explain that such behavior is unacceptable.


Be clear:

Your child can't think ahead and is incapable of basic choices. When you decide how you want him to behave, your communication should be clear. This means being brief. It also means being setting limits firmly. As he reaches for the hot stove, hold him back with a firm 'NO' and explain why briefly. If you want him to stop throwing blocks, tell him so immediately and be prepared to remove him from the scene or the blocks right away. Again, offer him a brief and simple explanation for your behavior.


Be consistent:


Consistency is very important. However there may be minor conflicts due to differences in parenting rules of the two parents. Try to keep these differences to a minimum; serious inconsistencies can be confusing to your toddler and may make it harder for him to learn your rules. Reach a compromise with your partner and stick with your decisions.


Avoid confrontation:


By far the most common reason for disciplining was when he touched something he shouldn't. Effective toddler-proofing can greatly reduce conflicts between parents and child. Move precious objects, breakables out of his reach. Most toddlers have a tough time keeping their hands off things. Though toddlers understand the rule of not touching, they still do it because they are not able to resist the temptation. It is therefore important to toddler-proof your home until he is older. With you being firm and consistent he will touch less and less.

1. Keep things out of toddler's reach which you feel are dangerous or valuable.

2. Make safe those items that cannot be removed. Put safety caps in electrical outlets; put mesh type safety gates on all stairways or out of bound areas.

3. Certain areas cannot be toddler-proofed; use clarity and consistency.


Try substituting:


Your toddler is beginning to understand acceptable behavior, even if he has little self-control. Substituting acceptable item for an untouchable can help. For instance give him his own selection of books or old useless CDs when he won't leave your bookshelves or CD rack alone.


Criticize the behavior not your child:


When your child breaks a rule, let him know that you are displeased with what he has done, not with him. This action will highlight his wrongdoing to him yet letting him save face. If you criticize the child you are not only attacking his self-esteem but also not letting him know why you are angry.

These strategies take time and patience but by using them you are helping your child learn some very positive lessons for life. Learning about discipline is also the beginning of learning about self-discipline. If through positive discipline you can help your toddler learn that it is a particular sort of behavior that gets attention and praise (good behavior), you are sowing the seeds for your child's ability to manage her behavior well in the future. There is no right or wrong approach to discipline because each child and each parent is an individual. The most important thing is finding the right balance that your family is comfortable with.