The ABC's of P's and Q's


Toddlers who get a head start in etiquette have an excellent chance of growing up well-mannered. Children need to learn how to stand up for their rights and at the same time learn to consider and respect the feelings and rights of others. Start your toddler on the road to civility now with the following tips:


Lay the right foundation:


Teaching manners isn't just about knowing your 'please's' and 'thank-you's', knowing when to sit and when to stand or using the right cutlery at the dinner table. Good manners is the consideration you show towards others; in other words minding your p's and q's should mean that you care and not that you are simply well-bred. To raise a well-mannered child you need to teach them the 'why' of good manners along with the 'how'. The objective is to teach manners that come from the heart (you give up your seat for the elderly on the bus because he needs to sit more than you do and not because that is what you are supposed to do). A child who is raised to be kind grows up to be courteous.



Set an example:


The best way to teach manners is to display them yourself. So say thank you to the shopkeeper; say please to the cashier; excuse me when you bump into someone; chew with your mouth closed. Most important of all, say 'please', 'sorry' and 'thank you' to your toddler whenever the occasion merits it. To teach respect and consideration to your little one, respect and consider your toddler's feelings at all times.



Speak for your toddler:


Toddlers don't know how to say good bye or thanks on the many occasions where it is necessary, so it is up to you to say it for them. Hearing you repeat the words over and over in social situations at home or away from home instills in them the importance of using such lingo. This works better instead of nagging at them; nagging or prodding can be annoying and humiliating to the toddler. He or she can grow more reluctant to say what is expected. Occasional reminders are fine.



Keep the pressure off:


Children who are nagged about their manners or are punished for not saying thank you may either learn manners quickly or reject them altogether. Either way they won't feel positive about manners and are likely to ignore them whenever you are not in sight.



Keep the reminders on:


pressure isn't right but reminders are. When you are alone and your kid forgets to say the magic words, ask her what is the magic word? If you get the appropriate response, fine; if not fill in the blank for your child. You have at least emphasized the importance in a pleasant way.



Listen to your toddler:


Children who are listened to make better listeners and being a good listener is an important part of being a polite person.



Have age-appropriate expectations:

For example, messy eating is part of toddlerhood. The same goes for social graces or rather the lack of it - from being able to say thank you to being willing to share, it will take many years of etiquette exposure before your child becomes mannerful. Your perseverance will earn you the compliment one day when someone remarks on the wonderful manners your child has.