A child who is anxious, afraid, unsure, lacks confidence
or feels inadequate suffers from insecurity. Most young
children suffer from this and some are more naturally
timid and anxious than others. Clingy behavior is normal
when they are anxious, tired or upset. Young children
are also fearful of the dark, insects, dogs, thunder
storms, noise from pressure cooker or vacuum cleaner,
getting lost or feeling abandoned and so on. Insecurity
may be caused by the following:
• A new baby in the family
• Too much or too little discipline
• Inconsistent discipline from the parents
• Fear of starting a playgroup or nursery
• Illness or depression in either parent
• Parental conflict
• Overemphasis on such behaviors as cleanliness,
good behavior
• Fears and worries passed on by an adult
• Low self esteem
• Too many changes in life
There are ways you can help
your child deal with his insecurity:
1. Never laugh at your child's fears
or ridicule his feelings of inadequacies. Instead sympathize
with his fears and think of ways to help him overcome
them. For instance, if he is afraid of roaches, offer
reassurance that you will protect him; if he is afraid
of the dark, provide him with a night light as long
as he wants it.
2. Never slip away and leave without
telling her that you are going. If you leave her with
someone or at a playgroup, tell her when you are going
even if this makes her cry. Also tell her when you will
return for her. Let her take her comfort toy if she
needs it.
3. Don't push your child away when
she clings to you. This will increase her anxiety and
cause her to cling more. Treat it as a phase that will
pass and allow your child more time to become independent.
4. Never threaten to leave your child
in anger or in jest. Fear of abandonment is one of the
greatest anxieties your child can experience and can
result in long term insecurity. Your child needs to
know that you are always there for her no matter how
bad her behavior.
5. Try not to transmit your own fears,
insecurities and anxieties to your child as she is likely
to copy these.
6. Ensure you praise and reassure your
child often enough and focus on his strengths
7. Don't expect too much too soon.
Remember that confidence takes time to build.
8. Do not discuss her shyness or fears
in front of her with friends; this will make her more
self conscious.
