Living with the difficult toddler can sometimes border
on the intolerable; the stress of coping with a child
who can't concentrate, cannot sit still or won't put
up with change or won't be quiet can be daunting. Worst
of all, it can make the best intentioned parent feel
inadequate. If a child's behavior is unbearable to his
or her parents, then steps need to be taken to do something
about it. Some children become difficult for a short
while because they are undergoing a phase or because
of severe family crisis. Below is a list of difficult
temperaments and how to deal with them. Keep in mind
that some difficult toddlers fit typically in one category
while others may display traits from two or more categories.
The super-high activity toddler:
They won't sit still, resist confinement of any kind
(in a car or cot or highchair) and tend to be wild and
lose control easily. On the positive side, these kids
who learn to harness their energy constructively can
grow into adults who achieve a lot and never run out
of steam. The best way to handle them is to give them
lots of opportunities for outdoor play and for burning
off energy, but enforce certain limits for safety and
your sanity (no jumping on beds, climbing sofas etc).
If your toddler seems to be going out of control, take
him aside and explain to him if possible or substitute
the unacceptable behavior with an acceptable outlet
for him to channel his energy.
The distractible toddler:
Toddlers typically have short attention span; the distractible
toddler seems to have none at all - flitting from activity
to activity. They seem unable to listen or pay attention
to parents, teachers or caregivers. Lack of concentration
is at its worst when the child is not into the activity
or what is being said. On the positive side, these kids
with encouragement can become fascinating adults with
a wide range of interests. The best way to handle them
is to bear in mind that these kids do not need much
in the way of special attention at this age. You can
gradually extend such a child's ability to concentrate
by discovering what subjects interest him and include
them in his daily curriculum in the form of books, games,
toys, TV programs etc. Avoid subjects your child finds
boring and don't force your distractible toddler to
stay focused longer then he is able to. Keeping the
house quiet and calm may help your child to stay focused
longer.
The slow-to-adapt toddler:
This child craves routine, ritual, plays favorites with
clothes, foods and toys and finds changes seriously
unsettling. Having adjusted to change they tend to cling
to the new situation. They can also be stubborn and
persistent, prone to whining and tantrums when they
don't get their way. On the positive side, these kids
often become adults with that rare and valued characteristic
of being able to stick with a chosen subject or task.
The best way to handle them is to prepare them whenever
possible on the transitions by giving them advance notice.
When a sudden change in plans is unavoidable, be especially
patient. Changes in surroundings and routines are very
unsettling for them - let your toddler wear the same
outfit every day if she insists; let your toddler eat
the same foods if that is what she wants. When changes
are inevitable try to give your toddler time to adjust
and give them ample warning by way of an explanation
in advance.
The initial withdrawal toddler:
When faced with new people, places, situations, food
or clothes this child withdraws, cries, becomes clingy
and throws a tantrum if pushed. On the positive side,
such a child is more likely to grow up to be an adult
who carefully analyzes situations before jumping into
them. Try whenever possible to serve the same foods,
similar clothes etc. Give your toddler plenty of time
to adjust to a new situation and be as supportive, patient
and understanding as possible. Prepare her in advance
about any change in routine or plans as this may lessen
the withdrawal reaction in new situations.
The unscheduled toddler:
These children never settled into a regular routine
as infants; they often have sleep problems as toddlers.
On the positive side, unscheduled children can handle
unpredictable situations well; they may thrive as adults
in jobs with crazy kind of hours. They adapt to unexpected
changes rather well. The best way to handle them is
don't count on ever getting into a scheduled routine.
If schedules aren't important to you, life with them
will be blissful. If routines are important, keep some
of them and bend wherever necessary. For example if
she is not hungry at her mealtime, offer the meal later.
The low-sensory threshold,
highly sensitive child:
While most toddlers are finicky, these kids are finicky
about almost everything. They may be super-sensitive
to light, sound, colors, textures, temperatures, pain,
tastes, smells. On the positive side, these children
can utilize their keen senses in a variety of useful
and important creative, artistic and scientific ways.
The best way to handle such kids, as with others, is
to understand and accept their difficult temperament.
The irritations that they feel are not imagined or overstated;
acknowledge their discomforts and make attempts to adjust
your toddler's surroundings to suit her sensitive temperament.
The unhappy toddler:
These children don't smile a lot as infants; as toddlers
they may whine and complain more than others and may
even possess serious dispositions. On the positive side,
the serious, sober child may not be fun to be around
but by nature may be more likely to succeed academically
and in fields where seriousness is valued. The best
way to handle is to accept his nature and not make a
big deal out of it; it is no ones fault he is like this.
Scolding or punishing your child is unfair - it is no
fault of his nor is it in his control. You may however
help your child deal with other temperament issues such
as poor adaptability which may be contributing to his
unhappiness. And smile a lot - the effect may rub on.
