As they learn more about their world, they also come to realize that it can be threatening at times. Many develop fears ranging from dogs to doctors, loud noises, baths, dark passages, heights and strangers. Parents may dismiss certain fears as silly or see them as a sign of overall timidness or sissiness (in male toddlers). Another complaint during this phase is your toddler's insistence on eating one food only; experts recommend going along with your child's desires. Although 'word' development is on the progress, mispronunciation is an issue. Play continues to grow; your toddler has the skills to insert a playing card through a slot. He also has developed large motor skills and coordination to toss a ball with fairly good aim. He may also shift away from imitation to true fantasy play.

• dump an object in imitation
• use a spoon/fork (but not exclusively)
• run

• combine words
• identify 1 picture by naming
• name 6 body parts
• throw a ball overhand
• speak and be understood half the time
• use 50+ single words

• identify 4 pictures by pointing
• build a tower of 6 cubes

There are a number of reasons why your toddler shows aggression at this age; many toddlers do:

A drive for independence and identity:

As your toddler's world expands to include playground, playgroups or nurseries, he generally asserts himself in order to feel larger and more important.

Frustration:

Your little control freak gets upset when he is unable to control his environment and reacts the only way he knows how; by biting, by slugging or by pushing the other child who gets in his way.

Egocentricity:

Most toddlers halfway through the second year, still see themselves as the center of your world and display an inability to care for others. Many still view their peers as objects to be mishandled or discarded rather than as equals.

Lack of impulse control:

Even once a toddler understands that hitting hurts, he may not be able to stop himself from doing it. A toddler has the same impulses as an adult when he believes someone is giving him a hard time, but he has not yet learned to control them and hence modulate his behavior.

Inability to foresee consequences:

He may be sorry after hurting someone but he doesn't have the foresight to avoid the unpleasant result of not hitting his friend in the first place.

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Lack of social graces:

Social skills are not inborn; they must be learned through experience, by emulating older role models, by trial and error and through the repeated instruction of others.

Lack of verbal skills:

Toddlers' actions speak louder than words; they don't yet possess the verbal proficiency required to express feelings, needs or desires. So most often they resort to physical means of expression.
Normal toddler aggression can be aggravated by external forces. Through elimination or even by minimizing these factors, you can help your child reduce his aggressive behavior:

Lack of sleep:

When there is a change in the nap periods and he hasn't adjusted to it, or he has been waking up in the night a lot due to teething problems, or he simply had trouble settling down the previous night, your child will suffer from lack of sleep and misbehave.

Hunger:

Going for long, long stretches between meals and possibly consuming foods high in sugar can trigger misbehavior.

Illness:

A suddenly aggressive child may be coming down with a viral attack or another kind bug, or may be just over one.

An unsettling life change:

A new nanny or parents taking a holiday without the toddler can make him more edgy than usual.

Inadequate attention:

Children often act up in order to win notice or approval for good behavior

An overly hostile environment:

Children tend to copy the violent behavior of their caretakers- parents, caregivers or sibling and this can fuel aggression in the toddler.



An overly controlling environment:

When the toddler is never allowed to make choices, his frustrations builds and with that his aggressive tendencies.

An uncontrolled environment:

Parents who don't set limits are unwittingly encouraging aggressive toddlers.

Dysfunctional environment:

When those around the toddler are immersed in depression or marital problems, abuse alcohol or drugs that interfere with normal functioning and parenting, the child may display his distress by acting up.

Living with the difficult toddler can sometimes border on the intolerable; the stress of coping with a child who can't concentrate, cannot sit still or won't put up with change or won't be quiet can be daunting. Worst of all, it can make the best intentioned parent feel inadequate. If a child's behavior is unbearable to his or her parents, then steps need to be taken to do something about it. Some children become difficult for a short while because they are undergoing a phase or because of severe family crisis. Below is a list of difficult temperaments and how to deal with them. Keep in mind that some difficult toddlers fit typically in one category while others may display traits from two or more categories.

The super-high activity toddler:

They won't sit still, resist confinement of any kind (in a car or cot or highchair) and tend to be wild and lose control easily. On the positive side, these kids who learn to harness their energy constructively can grow into adults who achieve a lot and never run out of steam. The best way to handle them is to give them lots of opportunities for outdoor play and for burning off energy, but enforce certain limits for safety and your sanity (no jumping on beds, climbing sofas etc). If your toddler seems to be going out of control, take him aside and explain to him if possible or substitute the unacceptable behavior with an acceptable outlet for him to channel his energy.

The distractible toddler:

Toddlers typically have short attention span; the distractible toddler seems to have none at all - flitting from activity to activity. They seem unable to listen or pay attention to parents, teachers or caregivers. Lack of concentration is at its worst when the child is not into the activity or what is being said. On the positive side, these kids with encouragement can become fascinating adults with a wide range of interests. The best way to handle them is to bear in mind that these kids do not need much in the way of special attention at this age. You can gradually extend such a child's ability to concentrate by discovering what subjects interest him and include them in his daily curriculum in the form of books, games, toys, TV programs etc. Avoid subjects your child finds boring and don't force your distractible toddler to stay focused longer then he is able to. Keeping the house quiet and calm may help your child to stay focused longer.

The slow-to-adapt toddler:

This child craves routine, ritual, plays favorites with clothes, foods and toys and finds changes seriously unsettling. Having adjusted to change they tend to cling to the new situation. They can also be stubborn and persistent, prone to whining and tantrums when they don't get their way. On the positive side, these kids often become adults with that rare and valued characteristic of being able to stick with a chosen subject or task. The best way to handle them is to prepare them whenever possible on the transitions by giving them advance notice. When a sudden change in plans is unavoidable, be especially patient. Changes in surroundings and routines are very unsettling for them - let your toddler wear the same outfit every day if she insists; let your toddler eat the same foods if that is what she wants. When changes are inevitable try to give your toddler time to adjust and give them ample warning by way of an explanation in advance.

The initial withdrawal toddler:

When faced with new people, places, situations, food or clothes this child withdraws, cries, becomes clingy and throws a tantrum if pushed. On the positive side, such a child is more likely to grow up to be an adult who carefully analyzes situations before jumping into them. Try whenever possible to serve the same foods, similar clothes etc. Give your toddler plenty of time to adjust to a new situation and be as supportive, patient and understanding as possible. Prepare her in advance about any change in routine or plans as this may lessen the withdrawal reaction in new situations.

The unscheduled toddler:

These children never settled into a regular routine as infants; they often have sleep problems as toddlers. On the positive side, unscheduled children can handle unpredictable situations well; they may thrive as adults in jobs with crazy kind of hours. They adapt to unexpected changes rather well. The best way to handle them is don't count on ever getting into a scheduled routine. If schedules aren't important to you, life with them will be blissful. If routines are important, keep some of them and bend wherever necessary. For example if she is not hungry at her mealtime, offer the meal later.

The low-sensory threshold, highly sensitive child:

While most toddlers are finicky, these kids are finicky about almost everything. They may be super-sensitive to light, sound, colors, textures, temperatures, pain, tastes, smells. On the positive side, these children can utilize their keen senses in a variety of useful and important creative, artistic and scientific ways. The best way to handle such kids, as with others, is to understand and accept their difficult temperament. The irritations that they feel are not imagined or overstated; acknowledge their discomforts and make attempts to adjust your toddler's surroundings to suit her sensitive temperament.

The unhappy toddler:

These children don't smile a lot as infants; as toddlers they may whine and complain more than others and may even possess serious dispositions. On the positive side, the serious, sober child may not be fun to be around but by nature may be more likely to succeed academically and in fields where seriousness is valued. The best way to handle is to accept his nature and not make a big deal out of it; it is no ones fault he is like this. Scolding or punishing your child is unfair - it is no fault of his nor is it in his control. You may however help your child deal with other temperament issues such as poor adaptability which may be contributing to his unhappiness. And smile a lot - the effect may rub on.

Charity begins at home for a toddler, though your toddler displays age-appropriate self centeredness and lack of empathy towards others. It is a gradual and subtle process. If started early, the seeds of charity will grow several years later.

Build a warm and cohesive atmosphere:

Studies show that children who are empathetic come from such backgrounds; being kind and loving is not enough as limits are necessary. Children grow into selfish adults without them.

Make giving a family tradition:

Toddlers love traditions. Giving at times when it is a tradition to give like during Diwalis is a good way to teach this value to your child. You should also inculcate in your child to give gifts to the lesser privileged children. Help him pick out a small gift and explain that some children don't have as many toys or clothes as him.

Giving is for all seasons:

Anytime is a right time to give; being open handed during New Year and a scrooge the rest of the year gives your child the message that charity need only be seasonal. So give whenever you can, and involve your toddler. It can be in the form of money or clothes and toys your family has outgrown. Like many actions of his parents, this deed too will stay ingrained in his mind and help him become a charitable adult later.

Give with a smile:

If your child gets the impression that giving is rewarding and satisfying instead of an obligation, he will be more likely to recognize the pleasure inherent in such deeds.

Don't expect miracles:

Since toddlers are self-centered beings, it is unfair to expect them to be models of generosity. Accept their stage of development while continuing to make a conscious effort to impart such values in your growing child.

Type 'A' Children

Recent studies suggest that the type 'A' personality can surface in early childhood. Type A individuals are often high-strung, intense, impatient, easily provoked, very competitive; as preschoolers, these children tend to have great rises in blood pressure when under stress and when they hit school age, headaches, stomach aches, sleeping problems and chronic fatigue are common complaints. Their behavior sometimes lead to low self esteem, poor listening skills, short attention span, difficulty in socializing and trouble in school. Some however excelled in school due to their competitive nature. It is not confirmed but there seems to be a likelihood that type A children will grow into type A adults. Though it is unconfirmed, parents can do their bid to teach children who seem high strung to relax, how to cope with issues in non-aggressive ways. Parents should also avoid putting pressure on their child to excel. Finally it will help if parents themselves set a relaxed example by not running in high gear all the time though this is difficult for those who are type A themselves.

Fears and Insecurity:

A child who is anxious, afraid, unsure, lacks confidence or feels inadequate suffers from insecurity. Most young children suffer from this and some are more naturally timid and anxious than others. Clingy behavior is normal when they are anxious, tired or upset. Young children are also fearful of the dark, insects, dogs, thunder storms, noise from pressure cooker or vacuum cleaner, getting lost or feeling abandoned and so on. Insecurity may be caused by the following:

• A new baby in the family
• Too much or too little discipline
• Inconsistent discipline from the parents
• Fear of starting a playgroup or nursery
• Illness or depression in either parent
• Parental conflict
• Overemphasis on such behaviors as cleanliness, good behavior
• Fears and worries passed on by an adult
• Low self esteem
• Too many changes in life

There are ways you can help your child deal with his insecurity:

1. Never laugh at your child's fears or ridicule his feelings of inadequacies. Instead sympathize with his fears and think of ways to help him overcome them. For instance, if he is afraid of roaches, offer reassurance that you will protect him; if he is afraid of the dark, provide him with a night light as long as he wants it.

2. Never slip away and leave without telling her that you are going. If you leave her with someone or at a playgroup, tell her when you are going even if this makes her cry. Also tell her when you will return for her. Let her take her comfort toy if she needs it.

3. Don't push your child away when she clings to you. This will increase her anxiety and cause her to cling more. Treat it as a phase that will pass and allow your child more time to become independent.

4. Never threaten to leave your child in anger or in jest. Fear of abandonment is one of the greatest anxieties your child can experience and can result in long term insecurity. Your child needs to know that you are always there for her no matter how bad her behavior.

5. Try not to transmit your own fears, insecurities and anxieties to your child as she is likely to copy these.

6. Ensure you praise and reassure your child often enough and focus on his strengths

7. Don't expect too much too soon. Remember that confidence takes time to build.

8. Do not discuss her shyness or fears in front of her with friends; this will make her more self conscious.