This list is easy to read, but hard to live by. It
will take all the self-control and energy you have.
You will make mistakes sometimes, but the most important
thing to remember is that children don't intentionally
misbehave; they are doing the best they can.
Yelling
doesn't work:
you don't need to yell to get your point across.
Don't yell at your children and don't yell in front
of them. Don't yell at their siblings, your husband,
wife, relatives or friends. Children copy what they
see around them. Your child won't learn how to yell
if the people around don't yell. If you feel like
yelling, stop for a moment to gain composure. If
you need to leave to do this, excuse yourself. Yelling
is contagious. Once it starts it gets worse.
Don't
expect too much of your children:
parents often get frustrated or angry when
their children are not able to do things they expect
them to do. Don't expect too much from your child;
instead read a book or talk to a professional on
what to expect at each stage. Children are loud,
selfish, impolite and demanding - this is normal.
Don't expect your child to be naturally caring and
polite; you have to teach them these behaviors.
Praise your child:
children aren't born knowing they are good at anything;
it is your job to let them know they can be good
at everything they do. If you repeatedly tell them
they are doing well, they will believe you and continue
doing well. There is no such thing as too much praise.
Teach
your child about emotions:
Teach your child how it feels to be happy, sad,
afraid, angry or nervous. In simple terms, discuss
these emotions. When they understand and talk about
their emotions, they won't get frustrated and angry
easily.
Try not to be critical:
children too don't like to be criticized. When you
criticize a child repeatedly, they begin to feel worthless
and unimportant. Don't criticize unless they are in
an unsafe situation and need to learn how to be safe.
Do it gently with an explanation on safety issues.
Don't
hit:
if children see people hitting others or being violent,
they copy this behavior. Children who are hit will
treat others the same way. If you feel like physically
hurting your child or someone else in your family,
control yourself and don't do it. If you can't control
yourself, then immediately leave the scenario.
Don't
argue:
don't argue with your child or with others around
the house unnecessarily. As with yelling, hitting
and violence, children copy arguing. If you don't
argue and are flexible with your children, they
will be flexible too.
Apologize
when you are wrong:
apologize to your child when you do or say something
wrong. Many parents don't admit to their mistakes
or consider it a weakness to apologize. If you apologize
when you commit a mistake, a child will learn to
take responsibility for his or her own wrongdoings
too. This is one way to develop respect between
a child and a parent.
Teach empathy:
empathy means experiencing feelings and thoughts
of another person and it is a crucial part of relationships.
Empathetic parents raise empathetic kids. Teach
your child the way others feel and think about things;
a child who learns empathy will easily relate to
and understand the world.
Encourage independence:
children actively seek out activities that they can
learn to do themselves. Listen to and support their
independent drives. If you try to do everything for
your child, he or she will become dependant on you
and other adults to do things for him or her. Nurture
a child's drive to become self-sufficient.
Turn around awkward moments
to fun ones:
when you and your child are caught in a difficult
moment, use your sense of humor to turn the moment
around. Find ways to accept the awkwardness and make
it fun. Your child will learn to do the same with
his or her difficult moments in life.
Make your child's schedule
more important than your own:
children do not understand your schedule. Don't get
angry if your child interferes with or interrupts
your daily activities. It is up to you to coordinate
your schedule with the needs of your child.
Have fun:
many parents and children these days are busy. However
if they don't have fun and enjoy themselves sometimes,
their moods will be negatively affected. Bad moods
can result in hitting, shouting and arguments. Take
time out to play and have fun with your children,
even if you have to change your routine or skip an
activity.
Try not to push too much:
many children have demanding schedules from a young
age. They do many hours of homework and have many
ECA. Don't push your child too much that they are
under constant pressure. Pressure can lead to rebellious
behavior or poor self esteem.
Listen:
from birth children tell or show you what they want
and need. If you, as a parent are able to place your
desires, concerns and expectations aside, you will
be better able to understand what your children need.
Children frequently know what they need better than
the adults who care for them, so listen.
Be
available:
being available means listening to your child's
problems - when he or she has been bullied or has
failed in something - and helping your child to
independently solve his or her problems. This means
refraining from instructing your child to do things
your way. Listening to your child's failures without
telling them what to do will boost their self confidence.
Be affectionate:
tell and show your child how much you love them.
Touch and hold your child a lot. Physical touch
and affection is very important to your child's
development. If you show your child lots of affection,
he or she will become secure knowing how much you
care and will treat others with affection.
Expose
your child to many activities:
children should be exposed to many forms of art,
music, science, literature and physical activities
as possible. A child's mind is fluid and easily
absorbs all input. The higher the exposure, the
better they will be able to process the world around
them.
Give
all the time:
give your child the attention and time that they
need as often as possible. Don't withhold. Children
crave your attention and want to feel special in
your eyes; children who do not receive enough attention
feel deprived. Such feelings lead to poor self esteem
and self blame.
Don't
expose your child to sexuality:
young children should not be exposed to excessive
adult sexuality and nudity; children who are exposed
can become preoccupied with early sexual feelings
and be traumatized by this. It is very important
to separate children from adult sexuality while
simultaneously taking pride in their own bodies.
Give
your child as many choices in life as possible:
adults frequently try to control children's decisions.
He or she may rebel when they feel stifled. Give
choices rather than orders. The more choices a child
has, the less likely the rebelliousness.
