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This list is easy to read, but hard to live
by. It will take all the self-control and
energy you have. You will make mistakes
sometimes, but the most important thing
to remember is that children don't intentionally
misbehave; they are doing the best they
can. |
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| Yelling doesn't work:
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you don't need to yell to get your
point across. Don't yell at your children
and don't yell in front of them. Don't yell
at their siblings, your husband, wife, relatives
or friends. Children copy what they see
around them. Your child won't learn how
to yell if the people around don't yell.
If you feel like yelling, stop for a moment
to gain composure. If you need to leave
to do this, excuse yourself. Yelling is
contagious. Once it starts it gets worse.
Don't
expect too much of your children:
parents often get frustrated or angry
when their children are not able to do things
they expect them to do. Don't expect too
much from your child; instead read a book
or talk to a professional on what to expect
at each stage. Children are loud, selfish,
impolite and demanding - this is normal.
Don't expect your child to be naturally
caring and polite; you have to teach them
these behaviors.
Praise your child:
children aren't born knowing they are good
at anything; it is your job to let them
know they can be good at everything they
do. If you repeatedly tell them they are
doing well, they will believe you and continue
doing well. There is no such thing as too
much praise.
Teach
your child about emotions:
Teach your child how it feels to be happy,
sad, afraid, angry or nervous. In simple
terms, discuss these emotions. When they
understand and talk about their emotions,
they won't get frustrated and angry easily.
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Try
not to be critical:
children too don't like to be criticized.
When you criticize a child repeatedly, they
begin to feel worthless and unimportant.
Don't criticize unless they are in an unsafe
situation and need to learn how to be safe.
Do it gently with an explanation on safety
issues. |
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Don't hit:
if children see people hitting others or
being violent, they copy this behavior.
Children who are hit will treat others the
same way. If you feel like physically hurting
your child or someone else in your family,
control yourself and don't do it. If you
can't control yourself, then immediately
leave the scenario. |
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Don't
argue:
don't argue with your child or with others
around the house unnecessarily. As with
yelling, hitting and violence, children
copy arguing. If you don't argue and are
flexible with your children, they will be
flexible too. |
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Apologize
when you are wrong:
apologize to your child when you do or say
something wrong. Many parents don't admit
to their mistakes or consider it a weakness
to apologize. If you apologize when you
commit a mistake, a child will learn to
take responsibility for his or her own wrongdoings
too. This is one way to develop respect
between a child and a parent. |
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Teach
empathy:
empathy means experiencing feelings and
thoughts of another person and it is a crucial
part of relationships. Empathetic parents
raise empathetic kids. Teach your child
the way others feel and think about things;
a child who learns empathy will easily relate
to and understand the world.
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Encourage
independence:
children actively seek out activities that
they can learn to do themselves. Listen
to and support their independent drives.
If you try to do everything for your child,
he or she will become dependant on you and
other adults to do things for him or her.
Nurture a child's drive to become self-sufficient. |
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Turn
around awkward moments to fun ones:
when you and your child are caught in a
difficult moment, use your sense of humor
to turn the moment around. Find ways to
accept the awkwardness and make it fun.
Your child will learn to do the same with
his or her difficult moments in life. |
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Make
your child's schedule more important than
your own:
children do not understand your schedule.
Don't get angry if your child interferes
with or interrupts your daily activities.
It is up to you to coordinate your schedule
with the needs of your child. |
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Have
fun:
many parents and children these days are
busy. However if they don't have fun and
enjoy themselves sometimes, their moods
will be negatively affected. Bad moods can
result in hitting, shouting and arguments.
Take time out to play and have fun with
your children, even if you have to change
your routine or skip an activity. |
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Try
not to push too much:
many children have demanding schedules from
a young age. They do many hours of homework
and have many ECA. Don't push your child
too much that they are under constant pressure.
Pressure can lead to rebellious behavior
or poor self esteem. |
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Listen:
from birth children tell or show you what
they want and need. If you, as a parent
are able to place your desires, concerns
and expectations aside, you will be better
able to understand what your children need.
Children frequently know what they need
better than the adults who care for them,
so listen. |
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Be
available:
being available means listening to your
child's problems - when he or she has been
bullied or has failed in something - and
helping your child to independently solve
his or her problems. This means refraining
from instructing your child to do things
your way. Listening to your child's failures
without telling them what to do will boost
their self confidence. |
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Be
affectionate:
tell and show your child how much you love
them. Touch and hold your child a lot. Physical
touch and affection is very important to
your child's development. If you show your
child lots of affection, he or she will
become secure knowing how much you care
and will treat others with affection. |
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Expose your child
to many activities:
children should be exposed to many forms
of art, music, science, literature and physical
activities as possible. A child's mind is
fluid and easily absorbs all input. The
higher the exposure, the better they will
be able to process the world around them.
Give
all the time:
give your child the attention and time that
they need as often as possible. Don't withhold.
Children crave your attention and want to
feel special in your eyes; children who
do not receive enough attention feel deprived.
Such feelings lead to poor self esteem and
self blame.
Don't
expose your child to sexuality:
young children should not be exposed to
excessive adult sexuality and nudity; children
who are exposed can become preoccupied with
early sexual feelings and be traumatized
by this. It is very important to separate
children from adult sexuality while simultaneously
taking pride in their own bodies.
Give
your child as many choices in life as possible:
adults frequently try to control children's
decisions. He or she may rebel when they
feel stifled. Give choices rather than orders.
The more choices a child has, the less likely
the rebelliousness. |
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