Over
to You, the Partner
Some understanding, crumbs of caring, grains of
acceptance and morsels of sharing helps. This
is not going to be easy but as her partner you
can't just be a bystander. You can certainly do
something about it – two things that will
be helpful to the expectant father are humor and
honesty. Develop a sense of humor if you don't
already have one. Laugh over things together.
Your wife will go through a whole range of moods:
snappy at times, bubbly during others and teary
next. Take it in your stride whenever you can
because it will pass – understand that it
is pregnancy-related.
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Give comfort (not sex!),
reassure her and boost her sagging confidence.
She really needs your support and dedication.
Show your love by taking her out on a date! Showing
her you are committed to her, the pregnancy and
the baby will help her regain her confidence.
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Try and get to know what is going
on with her, the whole pregnancy thing.
Be involved by going with her to ante-natal classes,
doctor's appointments (especially if it is your
first baby). Educate yourself and share what you
have read and learned with your partner. Inquire
around on what is to be expected from friends
etc. You will astound her with your knowledge
and make her more appreciative of you. Keep the
lines of communication open with your partner
and show appreciation of being involved in such
an important event in your life.
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Accept that it can be a long wait
(9 months is a long time) and the wait can feel
especially tedious when your partner goes through
frequent mood swings, becomes temperamental or
emotional over nothing. Not easy but certainly
doable. On the flip side this is the time to plan
and make all the preparations (once the baby arrives,
it's a whole new scenario!)
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Learn to share with each other.
Once she knows you understand her feelings, she
will open up with you. Likewise you need to be
open about your fears, anxieties instead of hiding
behind a tough front. While both you and your
partner may have doubts and uncertainties over
hard issues, masking your true feelings will only
make things harder and even possibly cause a drift.
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Understand and adapt to the changes.
All partners argue, pregnant or not. Sometimes
it can inevitably stretch into something ugly
because she is not her 'normal' self. Be steady
and tide the emotional waves coming your way.
Although your hormones are intact, you face similar
anxieties. Don't discount the other's feelings
but let each other know you are there to support,
no matter what the problem is.
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Pay attention to her diet.
Help her eat right; it's a great way to contribute
to her and the baby's good health. You can eat
healthy foods and that way encourage her to do
the same. Quitting bad habits like smoking, drinking
and avoiding junkie foods is no less than a sacrifice,
but hey it pays in the long run for everyone involved.
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Talk time with your partner.
Plan a time when you can both talk. Take turns
to talk and allow each other to talk fully. Once
she has been heard, she will be willing to hear
your concerns. There is a possibility that she
may be secretly concerned about you despite her
dismissive attitude. For instance, the idea that
you may be having second thoughts about the whole
pregnancy may cross her mind and worry her. The
chance to talk may remove doubts and give peace
to both of you.
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Help around when you can.
One approach is to take charge of food shopping
and sometimes meal preparation. Fix healthy meals
and cut back on fast food when you eat out. Help
around with chores without being asked; there
are jobs she may find cumbersome doing in this
state. Your contribution and willingness to share
household responsibilities will go a long way
to making you both feel unified in this venture
together.
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Understanding Hormones
