There are no set rules as to how and what you will
feel after miscarrying. Whether you feel numb or guilt
or grief, allow yourself to succumb to those feelings
and try to work through them. After all your hopes
for the future have been dashed, never mind the duration
of the pregnancy.
Understanding
Miscarriage Facts..
• When you miscarry early it is largely because
of genetic abnormalities in the growing cells; the
condition of the growing fetus and embryo is incompatible
with normal life. Over 50% of miscarriages are due
to abnormal chromosomes.
• Faulty conception is the culprit: the fertilized
egg may fail to implant in the uterus, fail to undergo
cell division or the cell division is somehow all
wrong. Besides the genes and conception factors,
an embryo or fetus can be defective because of maternal
infection, environmental issues such as radiation
or drugs or in relatively small numbers, due to
unknown reasons.
• The reasons enumerated above then cause
the fetus or embryo to become terribly malformed
or simply incapable of surviving. Nature takes over
and terminates the process. (As cruel as it may
sound, this act of nature happens for the best)
• A miscarriage often goes unnoticed in many
instances because it happens early on within a fortnight
of conception and is mistaken for a late period.
• The issue that baffles many experts is why
does conception progress to fertilization stage,
only to fail at the subsequent step or two. One
theory in support of this question is that a normal
egg may have been fertilized by an abnormal sperm.
In such a situation the fertilized egg is termed
'blighted ovum'.
• Most miscarriages occur in the first three
months.
• Nearly 2% of miscarriages happen because
of an incompetent cervix.
• Miscarriages do not happen because of minor
emotional disturbances, minor falls, normal lifting
and other physical activities, moderate exercise,
sexual intercourse, and the occasional stress.
Emotional
Recovery
For a lot of couples pregnancy loss is never handled
lightly since it was a much awaited event. Having
said that, don't go on a guilt trip and wallow in
self-pity but do allow yourself to grief - it is
a natural part of healing. Chances of putting the
blame on yourselves are high. Most women feel they
could have prevented the loss; they blame it on
something they did or didn't do or on their partners:
maybe they didn't eat or drink right or they didn't
manage their physical activity well or didn't handle
themselves emotionally, and many other reasons.
A miscarriage is not your fault.
Give yourself time to repair emotionally. Focus
on your needs rather than on any misplaced guilt.
Emotional recovery can take longer than physical
recovery for a lot of women - many would have already
bonded with the baby growing inside even at the
very early stage of pregnancy. So it becomes hard
to let go, but let go you must, and you will.
Stages of Grief
It is an important loss - there is no denying there.
Although many would think that another pregnancy is
the answer you will have to wait a bit before you
decide on anything. Be prepared to face certain emotional
changes which may engulf you.
Shock and denial:
People often go into denial and grow numb as a result.
This is normal. As reality sets in, these feelings
change.
Anger and guilt:
Women often blame themselves. Bear in mind however
guilt-ridden you may be, pregnancy loss is rarely
preventable. It is very unlikely that the loss occurred
due to anything you did or could have done. You may
also feel resentment with yourself, your partner,
family and friends or circumstances. It may take you
a while to come to terms.
Depression:
This feeling is often hard to pinpoint. Poor appetite
and sleeping patterns change overnight causing you
to become restless, fatigued and tearful over minor
issues.
Acceptance:
What may seem impossible now is you ever coming to
terms with your loss but it will happen eventually.
You will probably not get over it completely but you
will go on with life as time goes by.
There is no set timetable for emotional stages; some
take longer to heal than others. Don't be surprised
by feelings of sadness visiting you on memorable occasions
such as your baby's due date or when you become pregnant
again. If you find the emotional pain unbearable it
is best to seek professional help. Counseling helps
to an extent. Seek assurance from your health care
provider on your mental and physical health, on your
future plans of becoming pregnant again. Join a support
group if you know of one; anything to help you internalize
your pain and get on with your life.
Physical Recovery
• It generally takes one normal menstrual cycle
for a woman to recover. Your period will take about
4-6 weeks to resume. Once vaginal discharge and bleeding
has ceased, you feel physically well and have had
one menstrual period you can consider trying for another
baby. This will make it easier to determine your pregnancy
stage when you manage to conceive.
• Conception is quite possible right after your
miscarriage and before your first menstrual cycle;
it is advisable to use some form of birth control
such as a condom during this time.
• According to medical experts it is best to
wait for 2-3 months before trying to conceive again.
Before deciding on the baby-making agenda, discuss
your plans with your doctor. Your health care provider
will be able to provide you with the tips on optimizing
your chances of a healthy pregnancy and delivery.
Types of Pregnancy losses
A single miscarriage is usually considered
a random occurrence. Subsequent pregnancy is usually
problem-free and chances of a healthy pregnancy are
virtually the same as someone who has never had a
miscarriage. If becoming pregnant soon after a pregnancy
loss is on your timetable, it is usually considered
safe and hassle-free.
Recurrent pregnancy loss is a situation
where the woman has suffered three or more pregnancy
losses and would therefore require medical advice
and supervision. Several tests and evaluations may
be necessary to identify the cause before she can
go ahead with future pregnancy plans. If a problem
is identified e.g. cervical incompetency, several
treatment options will be made available. Up to 80%
of women who have had recurrent miscarriages will
go on to have successful pregnancies with supportive
treatments such as early scans and a series of scans
thereafter for monitoring purposes. No specific treatment
is necessary.
After a previous
ectopic pregnancy,
chances of a successful pregnancy outcome lowers;
if both the fallopian tubes are intact there is a
60-80% chance of conceiving. However there is also
a 15% chance of a repeat situation i.e. occurrence
of another ectopic pregnancy. In such cases the woman
will be monitored very closely the next time she conceives.
Future Pregnancies
There are certain things you can do to prevent a pregnancy
loss although you still have to remember that a pregnancy
loss is not preventable. Apply the same approach and
attitude as you would for any other time when you
are planning to make a baby. The rules are
• Eat healthy, rest adequately, drink lots of
water and exercise regularly
• Don't forget your daily dose of folic acid
and any other necessary vitamin or mineral (specifically
advised by your doc) either in a supplement or multivitamin
• Get preconception and prenatal care
• Avoid abusive stuffs: alcohol, cigarettes,
and drugs
• Get checked and if necessary, treated for
STDs
• Control your caffeine intake, abstain if possible
• Maintain a positive mental frame. Keep stressful
situations at bay through proper management
• Work and cooperate with your health care provider.
Together you can keep yourself and your baby in good
health.
