Your toddler these days is more defiant. Nearing the middle of her second year, she is out to prove her independence and maturity. She purposefully handles things that she knows she shouldn't; she takes forever in doing something knowing that you want her to speed up but she stays adamant. These and some other behaviors are examples of defiance from your toddler showing you that she wants to be the boss sometimes. The examples add up in numbers as your toddler adds up in months. Other problems parents face from the 17 month-old child revolve around bedtime and sleep; many toddlers continue to wake up in the middle of the night; they do whatever they can to stretch the bedtime routine or they wake up real early much to your chagrin.

• use two words
• drink from a cup

• build a tower of 2 blocks

Things your toddler may possibly do AT THIS STAGE

• walk up steps
• remove an article of clothing
• 'feed' a doll

• build a tower of 4 blocks/cubes
• identify 2 items in a picture by pointing
• combine words
• throw a ball overhand
• speak and be understood half the time

Toddlers who get a head start in etiquette have an excellent chance of growing up well-mannered. Children need to learn how to stand up for their rights and at the same time learn to consider and respect the feelings and rights of others. Start your toddler on the road to civility now with the following tips:

Lay the right foundation:

Teaching manners isn't just about knowing your 'please's' and 'thank-you's', knowing when to sit and when to stand or using the right cutlery at the dinner table. Good manners is the consideration you show towards others; in other words minding your p's and q's should mean that you care and not that you are simply well-bred. To raise a well-mannered child you need to teach them the 'why' of good manners along with the 'how'. The objective is to teach manners that come from the heart (you give up your seat for the elderly on the bus because he needs to sit more than you do and not because that is what you are supposed to do). A child who is raised to be kind grows up to be courteous.

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Set an example:

The best way to teach manners is to display them yourself. So say thank you to the shopkeeper; say please to the cashier; excuse me when you bump into someone; chew with your mouth closed. Most important of all, say 'please', 'sorry' and 'thank you' to your toddler whenever the occasion merits it. To teach respect and consideration to your little one, respect and consider your toddler's feelings at all times.

Speak for your toddler:

Toddlers don't know how to say good bye or thanks on the many occasions where it is necessary, so it is up to you to say it for them. Hearing you repeat the words over and over in social situations at home or away from home instills in them the importance of using such lingo. This works better instead of nagging at them; nagging or prodding can be annoying and humiliating to the toddler. He or she can grow more reluctant to say what is expected. Occasional reminders are fine.

Keep the pressure off:

Children who are nagged about their manners or are punished for not saying thank you may either learn manners quickly or reject them altogether. Either way they won't feel positive about manners and are likely to ignore them whenever you are not in sight.

Keep the reminders on:

pressure isn't right but reminders are. When you are alone and your kid forgets to say the magic words, ask her what is the magic word? If you get the appropriate response, fine; if not fill in the blank for your child. You have at least emphasized the importance in a pleasant way.

Listen to your toddler:

Children who are listened to make better listeners and being a good listener is an important part of being a polite person.

Have age-appropriate expectations:

For example, messy eating is part of toddlerhood. The same goes for social graces or rather the lack of it - from being able to say thank you to being willing to share, it will take many years of etiquette exposure before your child becomes mannerful. Your perseverance will earn you the compliment one day when someone remarks on the wonderful manners your child has.

Smacking as a means of discipline has been practiced for a long time in many families. Most experts feel that smacking is not effective. Children who are smacked often refrain from repeating an action out of fear and no other reason. Instead of learning the difference between right and wrong, they end up differentiating what they got smacked for and what they did not get smacked for. They will rarely learn self-discipline. Smacking also sets a violent example; children who are smacked are more likely to use physical force against peers and later against their own kids. If children learn that the best way to settle a dispute is with force, they are denied the chance to learn alternative less painful ways of dealing with anger and frustration.

Smacking is humiliating and demeaning to both the parent and the child, often shattering self-esteem and morale. Smacking can also lead to injury especially when it happens in the heat of the moment; smacking after the anger has subsided cause less physical injury but becomes more questionable. Baby sitters and caregivers should be instructed never to hit your child or to inflict any form of physical punishment. If your child is at a daycare or nursery, be sure to check there are policies that prohibit corporal punishment. Some parents believe that a smack on the hand or bottom is necessary in a dangerous situation to convey the appropriate message across to a child too young to understand words. The idea is not to inflict pain but to quickly call the child's attention to the seriousness of the situation. Such a slap should be followed by an explanation; once your child shows that she understands what you say, physical force should be avoided since language is enough!

When Smacking becomes Abuse

Parents rarely hurt their child intentionally; most child abusers inflict punishment either out of anger or because they believe they are doing it for the child's benefit. Anything more than a smack on the bottom can injure a child, especially a young child. Shaking can be especially damaging to the infant or toddler. Using a belt, ruler or other weapon is extremely dangerous. If you ever feel your anger out of control, get help. Call your neighbor or friend who lives nearby. Many parents who would never hit their child feel perfectly safe shaking them as a way of punishing them, showing their anger or displeasure. This isn't a safe practice and may backfire; although a toddler's neck muscles are stronger than an infant's, shaking can still in the 2nd and 3rd year of life, cause serious injury to the eyes and/or brain.

It takes a toddler forever to do just about anything. Her self-feed mealtimes can last for hours, bath times may go on, and the walk from the house to the car takes long as she stops to explore every pebble, twig, and leaf in her path. If you try to hurry her, she will insist on being carried, or may stand rooted to the sidewalk or even throw herself on the ground. There are lots of reasons for this dawdling, the basic being it is hard for them to move fast. They may lack the muscle coordination to move along fast. Some toddlers are very persistent; they find it hard to switch to another activity especially whey they are enjoying the present activity. To top that toddlers don't have a clear concept of time so they are unable to think in terms of getting somewhere sooner or later.

Another reason can be self-assertion; a way to set pace that suits her or to manipulate the situation. So dawdling that happens at home is best dealt by avoiding confrontations, arguments and anger. Let your toddler know in a firm but calm way that it is time to finish what she is doing. Also gain her cooperation by turning the situation into a game. Dawdling in public can be a little different. You may feel embarrassed by your inability to control your toddler, and disinclined to hurry her for fear that it could lead to a fight or tantrum. If you need to get somewhere quickly take along the stroller. But suppose you didn't bring the stroller and you are running out of time, it is best to keep walking at a slow, steady pace. Turn around frequently to ensure your toddler isn't doing anything she shouldn't be doing like eating a leaf. As long as you keep progressing, she will more or less try and catch up for fear of you getting too far ahead. Avoid frightening her by using lines like "I am leaving you. Bye". You will not only frighten her but chances are she will discover soon enough that you are bluffing. She may start doubting your other commands too. Instead encourage her to walk with lines like "Its time to go home, we will come another day".

Toddlers like to sort. This could be because they can and enjoys grouping things. Or because they like organization and order or she simply loves this self-imposed challenge. Whatever the reason, they tend to sort along two main criteria:

1. physical properties like shape, color, size and texture
2. functional qualities which include the potential actions and uses of objects

Sorting by physical properties tends to start even in late infancy. Studies also show that young children are most successful sorting objects when the two sets differ in size, color and form than when the sets differ in only one physical property. Sorting is so much of fun so give your toddler opportunities for sorting games. Mix a set of small toys in a box and let her sort them again maybe into two different containers. Keep the game simple in the start as complicated stuffs can hinder sorting skills. A simple set might contain two groups of identical objects e.g. blocks of one size and color and coasters of all one size and color or plastic cups of one color and plastic squares of another color. As she grows in experience, try a set consisting of three groups of identical objects - she will sort them by size or shape or color.

On the flip side don't be dismayed if your toddler shows no interest in sorting. First, this is a developmental skill and some children come to it later than others. Second, your child may be more interested in large motor skills like running and climbing or other toy types. Try offering sorting types of toys and don't feel discouraged if she shows no interest right now. Eventually with practice, your toddler will be able to move into helping you sort things around the house like pairing up socks and dividing cutlery into neat little compartments.

To help your child grasp the notion of color, there are ways to help. Mention the color of something that you are using or wanting.
• Household items: 'I am looking for the green packet'. 'Where is the red tin?'
• Your child's clothes: 'That is a pretty pink dress'. Where are your blue shoes?
• Flowers, animals and birds: 'Can you see the brown sparrow?' 'Look at the green parrot!'
• Show your child how colors are made: 'Look if we mix red and blue we get purple; yellow mixed with blue make green'.
Teach your child the seven colors of the rainbow

Girls' behavior

Girls tend to develop social skills and enjoy the company of other people far earlier than boys. While no child conforms to a stereotype, girls generally:
• Are more sociable than boys and form closer friendships from an earlier age.
• Are more compliant with adult requests than boys tend to be in early childhood
• Show fewer competitive traits are less socially aggressive and dominant
• Cope far more easily with physical, emotional and intellectual stress than boys

Boys' behavior

Boys tend to be slower to develop social skills than girls but not all boys will show the following traits to a marked degree. The point of knowing these difficulties with social development is so that you cane help, encourage and praise your child's efforts. Broadly speaking boys:
• Tend to be slower to develop social skills
• Are far more socially aggressive than girls
• Have more friendships than girls but they tend to be superficial and short-lived
• Are more emotionally vulnerable than girls
• Tend to have more behavioral problems especially in the company of authority figures