Many fathers to-be feel uneasy or even afraid at the
prospect of having sex with their pregnant partners.
Too much of uncertainty makes the whole act uncomfortable
for both parties. The doubts and fears don't help
the situation. Since sex is more than adult playtime,
(it is a medium of expression showing your care and
concern for each other) you need to be sure of the
facts before drawing conclusions. As the expectant
father there are a couple of things you need to understand
This means both of you have
issues although the import differs. First, understand
the emotions your partner is undergoing due to the
hormonal changes which are not in her control. It
is a lot like the changes a woman experiences just
before her monthly period, only more unpredictable
and sometimes more dramatic.
The emotional upsets are
never quite simple; listen entirely and understand
what she is going through before offering reassurance.
On the flip side even you
have your own issues, mostly to do with finances (and
sometimes to do with sex, maybe). Many things are
changing; you feel burdened to push yourself to do
more to meet those changes.
A challenging time for both,
but many couples do not take stock of the situation
but begin to drift apart instead. With such insecurities
and upsets around a close physical relationship becomes
all the more important.
Your sexual feelings
do not menstruate so their moods do not
fluctuate because of this. Women, though
they have stopped menstruating still go
through upswings and downswings because
their moods are still linked to the rhythms
of their body.
• Now you are entering a period of uncertainty
and even confusion. Not only is your partner changing
physically, her libido is also perhaps affected. But
for how long?
• For some couples sex remains or becomes a
gratifying experience during pregnancy. This may have
to do with the joy of becoming parents, the freedom
from menses and contraception. For others the reverse
• A change in libido is very common. In a pregnant
woman libido change is more pronounced and is often
linked with waning interest in sex at the beginning
and sometimes in the last months of pregnancy.
• Further, many women tend to view themselves
as unattractive and this affects their self-esteem.
Add to that, being bone-tired and nauseous or having
any other discomfort may totally dampen the spirit
• In such a situation the man may feel jealous
and frustrated towards the unborn child. In the same
vein many men too experience a drop in their libido
owing to worrisome thoughts: what if sex triggers
labor or becomes the cause of miscarriage or even
damages the fetus.
• Reduced libido is not permanent or an inevitable
problem. It has a lot to do with your mindset and
the physical well being of your partner. Don't push
for it – like everything else this phase will
come to an end!
One of the first concerns of both men and women is
will sex hurt the baby or cause a miscarriage or lead
to other problems. In a normal pregnancy, the answer
is no. Your baby is well cushioned in the womb. However
for couples in high-risk pregnancies or where the
woman has a history of early miscarriages, sexual
intercourse should be put on hold. Other common worries
couples face include:
1. Penetrative sex can puncture the amniotic sac.
2. Having sex early in normal pregnancy will trigger
3. Having sex in the last month will cause the woman
to go into labor
4. The fetus is aware of its parent's activity
Most of these are unfounded. Speak to your doctor
about your concerns no matter how trivial they may
Sex in the three trimesters
is everything. Accept your partner's changing
shape and know that it is temporary.
The key to sex during pregnancy is to understand the
stage your partner is in and make the adjustments.
All 3 trimesters represent different stages of baby
development and impacts differently on your partner's
physical growth and emotional health. For most couples
almost all sexual activities are safe. In some situations
though, couples may be advised by their doctors to
refrain from intercourse, especially in the first
trimester. If your partner has had a miscarriage or
some bleeding in early pregnancy then it pays to be
cautious. Some consideration and tenderness on your
part will help. For instance breast tenderness is
an issue with many during the initial and final months
so any amount of rough play is going to put your partner
• The first 3 months
Fatigue and morning sickness are the villains during
this phase. Many women experience inexplicable lethargy
in the initial months and the feeling gets worse if
she has other issues to handle such as other children
or if she is working. The answer to this could be
to save sex for the weekend. If that won't do then
you can offer her massage or cuddle time – this
can be of great help to her. This kind of physical
affection is what you both need during such tricky
Most positions are safe during this phase but gentleness
on your part is necessary. You should probably avoid
those that involve deep penetration.
• The middle 3 months
During this phase the energy returns; nausea and exhaustion
take a backseat for now. Plus, at the moment she is
not too big and not so self-conscious. As a result
her libido is increased during these weeks. Research
indicates that the increased blood flow to the vagina
area makes orgasm more achievable. Easily the best
phase of pregnancy, so enjoy this period.
• The final 3 months
Physically this period becomes challenging in that
the size of the baby and consequently the bump hinders
lovemaking. Additionally anxiety about the coming
big event will make some of you lose interest in sex.
The other issue is her size may put you off; some
men find the changed shape exciting while others feel
uncomfortable about it. Your partner as it were, is
more sensitive and self-conscious about her weight
now. So if you are one of those who are bothered by
her size, couch the feeling and make the attempt to
flatter her even at the tail-end of pregnancy.
In the later months it is important to experiment
since many common positions become cumbersome. Find
positions that suit you both and are comfortable.
Finally, Sex isn't everything
your partner is uninterested in sex don't
take it personally or blame her or the
baby. It is nobody's fault; it's just
the way it is. Instead assess her mood
in terms of sex and act accordingly.
Don't forget that there is much more to sex than intercourse.
Sex is only one part of physical affection. Cuddling
or holding each other are important parts of your
physical relationship. So if your doctor has prohibited
you from engaging in intercourse or if the pregnancy
has reached a stage where intercourse is not doable
than engage in other forms of physical affection.