Right now your toddler likely has a strong wish to do things for herself and be independent but she lacks the ability to satisfy these wishes and needs. She is not mature enough to bathe herself as much as she wants to; neither is she skilled enough to undress herself or walk on a busy street without holding your hand. Often frustration and anger sets in and that results in tantrums... The typical 18 month old tries to prove she is maturing by refusing to let you control her; almost every issue becomes a battle. At every opportunity she says a defiant 'No'. Her need to assert her independence is so strong that she even says no to things she wants. You might conclude that she doesn't even know what no means. She most definitely does. It is just that she wants to defy you on principle and wants to have her way too. So her solution is simple - she does both!

• use three words
• point to a desired object

• run
• use a spoon/fork but not exclusively
• point to 1 body part when asked

Things your toddler may possibly do AT THIS STAGE

• kick a ball forward
• follow a 2-step command without gestures

• identify 1 picture by naming
• use 50+ single words

Emotionally, children this age demonstrate a variety of emotions and behaviors including pleasure, warmth, assertiveness and curiosity. They understand a few limits, are able to play and explore away from parents; enjoy parental affection. At eighteen months children are able to communicate their wishes and their intentions and are beginning the imitative and symbolic use of toys.

Keep a list of concerns you may have about behavior, health, eating etc since your last visit which you want to discuss with your doctor. Also note down the list of new skills your toddler has acquired so you won't be at a loss when asked e.g. running, climbing, combining words into phrases, pointing to body parts etc. Bring your child's health card to record height, weight and immunizations during this visit. Procedures may vary according to your health care provider but in most instances this visit will include:

• As assessment of growth (height, weight, head circumference) since the last visit.
• Questions about your child's development, behavior, eating habits and health since the last visit.
• An informal assessment of physical and intellectual development and of hearing and vision based on observation and interview. Gait (the way the child walks) may also be checked.

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Guidance:

Your doctor may guide you on issues routinely found during this time in a toddler such as good parenting practices: injury prevention, reading to your child, teaching sharing, good nutrition and snacks, readiness for toilet training, vitamins, day care, napping and nighttime sleep problems, weaning (if this hasn't been accomplished already), whichever appropriate and other issues important in the coming months.

Immunizations:

This varies from country to country. Shots that are required at this point will be administered by your health care provider during this visit.

The next checkup:

If all is well with your toddler, the next appointment will be at 24 months.

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' time

to have another baby. Having children closely spaced can present a host of challenges in the short run but an efficient use of time in the long run. Having children further apart may give you more rest in between but reintroduce those sleepless nights when you may be less able to handle them. If sibling friendship is the issue, it is more a matter of fate than family planning; the more similar the siblings are in temperament and interest, the greater their closeness. Age difference is not a proven criteria for closeness or rivalry. However, most experts agree that less than eighteen months between pregnancies is stressful to the mother's body and may rob the older child of the chance to be the baby of the family. Others believe that a two and half to three year gap is ideal because it is long enough to allow adequate time for number one child to be number one. Still, this span may not be right for you. It is probably better to look for answers closer to home: consider your ages, your health, how quickly you recovered from your previous pregnancy and delivery, your energy level, your toddler's needs, your professions to name a few. Try to evaluate and determine these events' impact on another pregnancy and another baby. Examine your feelings as well: if you need more time then wait; if you feel now is the time then go ahead. It all boils down to your choice. Contemplate, discuss and weigh the pros and cons but don't overanalyze.

To have one or more

is a very personal choice. Today, more and more parents opt to have only one child; the reasons are plenty and age seems to top the list. Hectic lifestyle, precarious finances and concern about overpopulation are some other reasons that work at discouraging family expansion. Recent studies indicate that one-child families are as happy and contented as families with two or more children. One study found that only children are likely to be as happy and emotionally healthy as children from larger families. On the average, they performed better academically than children with siblings - possibly because being the only one brought them more autonomy, self-confidence and less fear of competition. Sibling or no sibling, every child who is raised with love and support has a good chance of growing up to be happy and successful. Deciding to have another child should be a choice based on your feelings and circumstances and not on some research, statistics or studies.

Raising children to have values isn't easy. Thought we have values we wish to pass on, we worry if we will succeed; we remember ourselves as teenagers rejecting values our parents sought to instill in us. Studies show that after the predictable period of teenage rebellion, most of us end up with values that resemble those of our parents. Sometimes consciously and unconsciously parents can and do strongly influence the way children treat themselves and behave towards family and other moral issues such as charity, honesty, work ethics, environment etc. Good solid family values seem to run in families. Specific values and how to best hand them down are outlined below.

Know your own values:

First decide what you wish to depart from what you have learnt from your parents when you were growing up. You want to add a few links, minus a few away or make radical changes. The list of values you want to pass on are endless - family, health, religion, work, integrity, courtesy, helping others, wealth and possession, education. Compare and contrast with your partner's list. Once you have reached an accord, you will be better in passing the chosen values onto your child.

Live your values:

Parents sometimes find it difficult to live by some values. They are determined that their children don't abuse their bodies but they fail to show respect for their own bodies by smoking, eating junk food etc for example. To impart values to your children, you must first commit yourself to living them; to follow them habitually and not just when your toddler is around. In the long run the influences your toddler is exposed to will impact him more than any outside influence (this includes, television, movies and music). Be a role model by leading a good example.

Articulate your values:

Living your values is not good enough. Help your child understand why you live them. Explain why it is better to be honest than to lie; why taking care of your body is important; why you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Values in perspective:

By building a framework of values for your toddler to follow, you are heading him in the right direction. As children grow older they add on their own experiences and lessons they have learned in the world to what they have learned at home and come up with their own unique set of values. You as the parent have to lay the foundation and let your toddler's own experiences enrich their value bank with time

Parenting Tips

• Try to deal with your own stress before you start to deal with your child.
• Love is your child's most important need. Never tell your child that you don't love her.
• Give your child your full attention when she is telling you something.
• Always be consistent with your child.
• Most children from 18 months to three years can be frustrating - yours is not the only one.
• Praise good behavior.
• Give your child choices when you can.
• If you have to say, try to explain why.
• Try not to pick fights about little things.
• If you get it wrong, say so and apologize
• Try to stay in control - remember you are supposed to be the mature one not your child.

Toddler Aggression - the causes

Here are reasons why your toddler is prone to aggression:
• Being prevented from doing something he wants to do or having difficulty in being understood.
• Is too young to understand that certain physical actions can hurt.
• Feeling emotionally stressed, insecure or unloved.
• Feeling jealous, such as after the arrival of a new baby.
• Imitating an adult or an older child who is aggressive towards him.
• Reaction to certain foods.
• Fatigue and hunger.
• Boisterous - such children exhibit their energy and enthusiasm in a more aggressive manner than shy or placid children.
• Not being able to let off steam through physical outdoor activities.
• Watching violent and aggressive television characters getting away with their behavior.
• Experiencing continual criticism or punishment.

The Overindulged Toddler

Every child needs to be pampered or indulged once in a while. She needs your love, time and attention. These make a child feel secure and loved; but when a child is given too many possessions or anything she asks for, is constantly the center of attention, is seldom or never disciplined, she will grow up expecting the world to revolve around her all the time and becomes very demanding. Striking the balance between love and over-indulgence can be tricky. Some situations when your child is overindulged include when she is frequently ill or when the mother is working or the parents are separated. Spoiling the child is also common in families if the child is an only or much longed for child or if she is the first or only grandchild. Your intentions may be good but spoiling your toddler may lead to behavioral and social problems as she gets older. A spoilt or overindulged child is likely to be:

• Unpopular with other children because she always wants her own way
• Insecure because no limits have been set on the way she behaves
• Greedy because she expects to get more than others
• Selfish because she has never been taught to share
• Disobedient because she has always been allowed to do what she wants
• Inconsiderate of other people's feelings
• Impossible to satisfy
• Constantly whining or moaning
• Rude and bad mannered